Mean!

My Mean Master's Project is sapping all the fun from my life! Dammit! There's all kinds of fun stuff coming up that I'm going to have to bow out of so I can string big words together in a convincing enough manner to warrant at least a grade of "B-". The sun might even come out some of those days.

I know, I know, I just have to schlog through it.

But GAK! It's long, it's miserable, and my self-confidence is completely shot. If you had asked me a couple weeks ago, I would have confidently stated, "Yeah, I'm graduating in May!", the same way I would have said "Yeah, I wear contact lenses!" or "Yeah, that's a picture of Sean dressed up like Popeye on my desk!" But now, after Professor Gung-Ho's less-than-kind words, I feel hopelessly inept and undeserving of such things. Suddenly, I'm incapable of writing such a paper. Suddenly, my semester-long project falls far short of what I probably should have done. Suddenly, I just plain suck and am going to be $65k in debt with no sheepskin to show for it.

Or so I feel.

I don't know what to do without the Master's degree. It's what I use to get through my days; to feel superior (in all my pseudo-intellectual snobbery) to everyone around me in my brainless drudgery-of-a-desk-job. It's the only thing I have going for me that I might possibly be able to spin into a decent-paying job. And before, I always assumed it was a sure thing, as soon as I'd done the work and signed the loan papers.

Now, I'm not so sure. I have my time off request sheet all filled out to take off the day of my graduation. But I'm afraid to turn it in, lest it jinx me somehow. I haven't bought the cap and gown yet.

My Master's Project has to be turned in in exactly 12 days.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck