Rough Morning

Scene 1: New House Dining Room

SEAN enters the dining room where REDPANDA sits at the table drinking coffee. SEAN is looking very forlorn and is wearing only a T-shirt.

REDPANDA: "Honey...what's wrong?"

SEAN: (*sighs*) "I can't find my glasses. Or my pants."

REDPANDA: Laughs so hard coffee comes out nose

End Scene 1

Scene 2: New House Kitchen

REDPANDA enters the kitchen where SEAN is getting a glass of water. SEAN has just been watching a Tivo'ed episode of The Daily Show.

SEAN: "Omigod. This was SO FUNNY. Listen to what happened on The Daily Show."

REDPANDA: (*grinning*) "What?"

SEAN: "Well, there was this whole thing about the Republicans shutting the Democrats out of the Congressional Hearings. So they had to set up in a basement somewhere, with folding chairs! Anyway, they are showing all this, and then they focus in on this woman, and she is breastfeeding. I mean, you know I support a woman's right to breastfeed, but still! It was a Congressional Hearing!"

REDPANDA: *blinks* "So, what was funny, exactly...?"

SEAN: "She was breastfeeding!"

REDPANDA: (*Getting annoyed*) "Well, her right to do so is protected by law..."

SEAN: "Yeah, but isn't that kind of...unprofessional? In a Congressional Hearing?"

REDPANDA: "Look, I'm getting angry. What is the big deal? She was FEEDING her BABY. How is that funny?"

SEAN: "She was BREASTFEEDING."

REDPANDA: "I get it. I know your knee-jerk reaction is to be amused. But for crying out loud, she was doing what was BEST FOR HER BABY. Would you be laughing if she had pulled out a bottle? Would it even have made The Daily Show?"

SEAN: "You take things too seriously."

REDPANDA: "You don't take things seriously enough. Now the freaking Daily Show is half-assedly putting down breastfeeding? Are you kidding me?!?"

SEAN: *storms out of room in a huff*

REDPANDA: *wishes she could storm out of room in a huff but has to stay in room to cut up strawberries instead*

End Scene 2

Scene 3: Inside REDPANDA'S car.

*Cellphone rings*

REDPANDA digs around for cell, shifting and braking the entire time, nearly missing a suddenly stopping car. She finds it, snaps it open, and holds it to her ear.

REDPANDA: "HELLO? HELLO? WHAT? WHAT?"

CELLPHONE: *Silence*

REDPANDA throws phone back onto passenger seat and exits rotary onto highway.

*Cellphone rings again*

REDPANDA: "HELLOOOOOO?"

CELLPHONE: *Silence*

REDPANDA calls last incoming number. It is SEAN'S cellphone. SEAN answers.

SEAN: "Hello?"

REDPANDA: "Hey. What's up?"

SEAN: "I have a flat tire."

REDPANDA: "What? You do? How?"

SEAN: "I dunno. Maybe I ran against the curb? It's a big hole in the side. Where are you?"

REDPANDA: "I'm on the highway. Sorry."

SEAN: "S'ok."

REDPANDA: "Go catch the bus. There were people waiting when I went past."

SEAN: "Yeah, Ok. I'll go do that."


End Scene 3



We can only conclude from this performance that SEAN would have been better off staying in bed and fondling his lamp today.