Conversation

Me: So...I was just wondering if there's anything you need from Boston we can pick up before we come out?

Mom: I don't think so, hon. Unless you have any of that Stadium Mustard. Or Labatt's Blue Light

Me: No, that was Cleveland. No mustard of that variety here. And we don't have the Labatt's here, either. Must be a midwestern thing.

Mom: *sighs* We can't find it anywhere here. We even asked the distributor if he could get it, and he can't. *sighs again*

Me: That's weird.

Mom: Yeah. Did I tell you we're probably all going to go out for margaritas Thursday night? We'll probably need it after that family meeting.

Me: Yeah, you told me. That's fine.

Mom: Ok. You might want to think about what you can bring to the family reunion on Sunday. I think I'm going to take an apricot pie.

Me: Well, I think Sean might make his chocolate chip cream cheese bars. And I'm not sure what else yet.

Mom: I'm just going to mix some ham up with macaroni and cheese and tomatoes and onions. Kids love that.

Me: No, Mom, kids most certainly do not love that. That is absolutely revolting. I hate ham.

Mom: No one hates ham.

Me: I hate ham.

Mom: It's unnatural to hate ham.

Me: I hate ham. It's slimy.

Mom: It is not slimy! Everyone likes ham. Ham is delicious.

Me: Ham is gross. Meat shouldn't be that color.

Mom: You're being silly. Ham is wonderful. If you can't think of anything else to bring, you can always just make a nice jello mold. Everyone loves jello molds.

Me: A jello mold?!?

Mom: Yes, a jello mold. You can mix in fruit if you like. It's a great side dish.

Me: A jello mold is not a valid side dish.

Mom: Sure it is. You can mix orange jello with grated carrots. That's a vegetable.

Me: That is NOT a vegetable. Jello is in no way, shape, or form a vegetable.

Mom: Sure it is. It's made from seaweed.

Me: No, it's not. It's made from ground up animal hooves and connective tissue.

Mom: Well, I'm sure there's some seaweed in there somewhere.

Me: I hate jello molds.

Mom: No one hates jello molds.