Redpanda's Fucking Awesome Pasta Salad

I made pasta salad last night that easily, without any effort at all on the part of said pasta salad, kicks the ass of all other pasta salads in existence. In fact, this pasta salad is so freaking good, and there is so damn much of it, that I would like to extend the invitation right now to anyone who happens to be in the area and perhaps has a hankering for some Fucking Awesome pasta salad to come by and be my guest for an evening filled with Pass the Pigs and Pasta Salad. After the first helping of pasta salad, the game of Pass the Pigs will be thrown aside, pigs strewn helplessly about, forgotten in everyone's haste to make it to the kitchen and get a second helping of pasta salad.

It's just that good.

In case anyone is a lazy bastard and just doesn't feel like coming out to have a plate of Fucking Awesome pasta salad, I'll even provide the recipe, so you can make your own at your leisure. However, you must refer to it as Redpanda's Fucking Awesome Pasta Salad. If you don't, I will both find and cut you.

It should be noted that this particular recipe is SeanSafe, meaning that if you happen to have in your residence a picky, food-pushing-around Sean, he will even eat the pasta salad, although not necessarily with the amount of gusto reserved for things like plain baked chicken and sticky rice with soy sauce. That would just be silly.

It should also be noted that all measurements are approximate as hell, seeing as how I don't measure a damn thing. Taste it and see if it needs more.

Ok, so without further ado:

Redpanda's Fucking Awesome Pasta Salad

1 (or so?) box pasta (I used 1/2 a box of whole-wheat rotini and 1/2 box of tricolor fiori--switch it up, says I!)
1 bunch asparagus
1 wee can black olives
1 big honkin' red pepper
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
capers
basil (fresh)
italian seasoning
ground oregano (or, whatever)
garlic powder
dijon mustard
parmesan cheese (however much is left in the bag, or the can, or whatever)
red pepper flakes


Wash and slice the red pepper into about 2" chunks. Put on a roasting pan or cookie sheet that has been pre-sprayed (I recommend olive oil spray). Drizzle with just a wee bit of olive oil. Put under broiler until skin starts to blister, +/- 3 minutes. Flip and allow the other sides to blister a bit. Remove, place on a plate, and stick in the freezer to cool off.

Wash, trim, and cut the asparagus into 2" or so pieces. Blanch in boiling water for +/- 3 minutes, just till the color brightens. You don't want it to be mushy, ewww! Immediately place cooked asparagus in cold water to cool it off and stop the cooking process.

(I used a steamer attachment and used the same water I blanched the asparagus in to cook the pasta!)

Cook the pasta, al dente if you please, and drain/rinse with cool water.

Rinse olives.

Dump pasta in a big bowl (no, not that one, you'll need a bigger one.). Add blanched asparagus, olives, and chilled roasted peppers. (Cut the peppers smaller if needed.) Add capers to your liking, I probably used about 3 tbsp. I LOVE me some capers!

In a smaller, seperate bowl, combine olive oil (I used about 3 tbsp?), balsamic vinegar (I used +/- 1/2 cup?), dijon mustard (about 1 tbsp?), seasonings (italian, red pepper flakes, whatever), and garlic powder. Whisk the fuck out of it until it's all combined.

Dump over the salad. Mix it all continously for a good amount of time. Realize you didn't make enough dressing. Make more.

Add parmesan cheese and torn fresh basil (I just happened to have some on hand, it's not really THAT crucial I guess...). Stir some more.

Serve and watch faces light up!!!

Other things, most of which are NON-SeanSafe, that I could have added (and think would be waaay yummy!) but didn't include:

artichoke hearts
tomatoes of some kind
cucumbers (jury's still out on how the cukes would've been)
spinach (This IS SeanSafe, I just didn't happen to have any on hand)
Feta cheese (again, probably SeanSafe, but didn't have any)

Yum! Give it a whirl! Change it up, as long as you still acknowledge that it is, in any form, still Redpanda's Fucking Awesome Pasta Salad.

Perhaps you could even invite me over for some. I'll bring Pass the Pigs.