I Find Ways
Even in situations where there is no possible chance of embarrassing oneself, I generally can find a way to do so. It's quite a talent, really. Perhaps even akin to a Superpower. The Superpower of Self-Inflicted Humiliation.
For instance, alone in one's car. There's no potential source for embarrassment there! You're safer than safe.
There I was at my lunch yesterday, seated comfortably in Gustav the BeetleBugCar, enjoying the warm sunshine with my windows and sunroof open, taking slugs of my diet Pepsi as I waited for the light to change.
The thing about diet Pepsi is that, if you are anything like me, it will make you have to burp. And if you are really really like me, you will not hesitate to do so with a Barney Gumble-like gusto. Especially if you are all alone in Gustav the BeetleBugCar with no one to impress but yourself.
Of course, being as much like me as one can be since I am, in fact, me; I let a giant burp (or 3) rip. Ahhh. Spent, I happened to glance to the right and noticed the woman in the car next to me, windows also opened wide, gaping open-mouthed at me in horror. She then moved her car about a length in front of me, to avoid any more of these "incidents", I presume.
It's a gift, really.
But come ON, it's not like I farted or something.