Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Autumn is My Favorite Season

That's why I'm so thrilled that we're starting it in May this year! Behold, the roaring wind! The driving rain! The temperatures in the mid-40's! It's enough to make me want to begin selecting my Halloween pumpkins! And geez, it's time to get a jump on that holiday shopping!

Rain used to be a minor annoyance. Now we are buying a house. Since we don't actually live in said house yet, I am forced to sit here and form mental images of all the damage this storm (let's call him Stormy) is doing to my future abode. Stormy is tearing the shingles from the roof. (Especially from the "right side" of the roof that is not "new" as was advertised, but 30. Freaking. Years. Old.) Stormy is dumping gallons of rain through the gaping hole by the chimney where some asshat didn't install flashing. Stormy is flooding the basement through the ancient, decrepit, leaky bulkhead. Stormy is seeping into the foundation on the side of the house where the soil is graded the wrong direction. Stormy is laughing at the lack of gutters as he pummels the house, feeling nothing but mirth as the soil around the foundation erodes. Stormy has driven all the neighborhood rodents to seek refuge in my attic, where they enter through the hole left by a missing piece of fascia.

Are we in a floodplain? My house is floating away! I just KNOW IT!!! Does our contract include a contingency for Floating the Fuck Away?!?

The main benefit of renting is, I now realize, Not Having to Give a Fuck.

I now am forced to Give a Fuck. Dammit, flippantness! I liked you!

We are still set to close on June 15th. I think most of our T's are crossed and our I's dotted. Mr. Mortgage Man still has to send out his appraiser, which probably is occurring right now as the rodents do the jitterbug in the attic while the house Floats the Fuck Away. Aside from that, there is nothing to do but pack up all we own in the world, buy some homeowners' insurance, find movers, sign our lives away, pay the attorney, pay the taxes, pay the closing costs, pay the interest on the mortgage(s), pay the carpenter to come out and fix the step, pay numerous other people to come out and fix numerous other things, and smile with the Joy of Homeownership.


We're heading off this weekend to someplace that is actually the temperature it is supposed to be right now, New Orleans. Sean has a Red Hat conference next week, so I convinced him to go down early, take me along, and enjoy all the Big Easy has to offer before I head back home and he has to "settle down and work" (quotes intended). We're staying in a B & B in the neighborhood of Faubourg Marigny, the hip little sister of the French Quarter. So, I am attempting to be psyched for that as I battle my "spring" (quotes intended) cold and try to envision a place where my summer clothes will be comfortable and not ridiculous.

I love New Orleans, so I'm thrilled to have an excuse to go. It will be interesting to go there as a "grown up" (or, at least, a non-college-student), and as a non-vegetarian. Oh, the muffalettas I missed out on before! The beads I will be missing out on now! I will have some jambalaya and a Hurricane for each of you.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Things That are Irritating

1. It is freaking 50-something degrees today. It is late May. This should not be. But what is even more annoying than that is that, when talk of the weather comes up and everyone begins complaining in unison, without fail some asshat pipes up smugly: "Just wait till this summer. You'll be complaining about how hot it is."
No, Asshat, I will not. It just doesn't get that hot here. I grew up where summer meant 90-degree temperatures with 90-degree humidity. Where you sucked water vapor into your lungs in the summer instead of air, and the mosquitoes swarmed thick and ruthless around your head if you dared to venture outside. Where the poison ivy grew thick and lush and rich, choking the trees and underbrush. Where it was so hot in the spring that creeks ran dry despite the rain, the tadpoles flopping miserably in the thickened mud. Boston summers pale in comparison. I have yet to complain about the "heat" in Boston. Heat?! Tee-hee!

2. They are talking of banning Oxycontin sales in Massachusetts. One reason given for this was that, and I quote: "Oxycontin use leads to heroin use.". Err...sure.

It irritates the fuck out of me when people A) Make stupid generalizations, and B) Incorrectly report scientific data. Have studies shown that a large number of people who use oxycontin went on to use heroine? Than the correct way to report that is "Studies have shown that a large number of oxycontin users went on to use heroin." I despise journalist rifraff reporting a cause-an-effect relationship where there is none. It reminds me of the example a professor gave, waaaay back in undergrad. Do you know that there are three months of the year where both car accidents AND ice cream sales skyrocket? So, of course; that means ice cream causes car accidents. The fact that both of these things happen in the summer has nothing to do with it, right?

I digress. Why that report REALLY pissed me off was the simple reason that it takes responsibility out of the users' hands. Oh, I see, oxycontin use LEADS to heroin use. There were no decisions made there along the way by the users. They couldn't help themselves! They were LED!

Please. This is right up there with people stating that marijuana is some sort of "gateway drug". What crap. It's amazing that people don't stop to think that maybe, just maybe, there are certain people who are more likely to become heavy drug users. Is it unsurprising that they would start with something a bit lighter, like, say, marijuana? I say, NO. But to imply that one thing leads to another is absurd.

Relation is not causation, people!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled NON-angsty web surfing. Thank you.

Sunday, May 15, 2005


Sean: I can't believe they countered $1500.

Redpanda: I know. Effed up.

Sean: I mean, $1500?!? At least meet us halfway, you know?

Redpanda: So, what do you want to do? Counter their counter or stand firm?

Sean: I dunno. I'm really pissed off.

Redpanda: I know. But is it really worth it to lose a place we like over a few grand? I mean, that's like 1% of the price or something.

Sean: (sniffs) I guess. It really pisses me off, though.

Redpanda: So do you want to stand firm?

Sean: I want to tell him that if he doesn't accept this offer I'm going to scoop out his eyes with a melon baller and skull-fuck him.

Redpanda: *Pause*.

Redpanda: I don't know if you should play with Moglia anymore.

Sean: Nah, baby, that was all me.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

So Much To Say So Much To Say So Much To Say So Much To Say...

Sorry. I am lazy. Too lazy to update, apparently. And there have been actual, exciting, interesting things to write about. I just...didn't. Mea culpa.

One of the biggest excitingest things that has occurred is that, for all practical purposes, our House-Hunting Obsession is over. In its place we have squarely placed the Getting Through the Closing Obsession. This is because, ladies and gents, we made an offer on a dwelling this past Saturday afternoon, and the nice sellers saw fit to accept it. Whee!

Little did I realize that the complicated part was just beginning. I had skipped over all the Making an Offer and Choosing an Inspector and Closing the Deal sections in all of our homebuying reference books. (Note to self--this is a stupid, stupid idea. Read ALL the friggin sections so you are aware that you need an UNGODLY sum of money in time to sign the P & S and cannot just put it all off till the closing date.)

So now, we have to wade through all the complicated legalities of transferring property from one owner to another. I am convinced that I should be entitled to Homebuying Leave--how else can we EVER get this all done?

But, yeah! Very exciting! Hopefully nothing will get in the way. The inspection is tomorrow, so I fully expect Mr. Inspector Guy to pull apart our 115-year-old (soon-to-be) home and find nothing but perfection. He hee.

Ok, more to follow. But for the record, I updated!!!