Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Autumn is My Favorite Season

That's why I'm so thrilled that we're starting it in May this year! Behold, the roaring wind! The driving rain! The temperatures in the mid-40's! It's enough to make me want to begin selecting my Halloween pumpkins! And geez, it's time to get a jump on that holiday shopping!

Rain used to be a minor annoyance. Now we are buying a house. Since we don't actually live in said house yet, I am forced to sit here and form mental images of all the damage this storm (let's call him Stormy) is doing to my future abode. Stormy is tearing the shingles from the roof. (Especially from the "right side" of the roof that is not "new" as was advertised, but 30. Freaking. Years. Old.) Stormy is dumping gallons of rain through the gaping hole by the chimney where some asshat didn't install flashing. Stormy is flooding the basement through the ancient, decrepit, leaky bulkhead. Stormy is seeping into the foundation on the side of the house where the soil is graded the wrong direction. Stormy is laughing at the lack of gutters as he pummels the house, feeling nothing but mirth as the soil around the foundation erodes. Stormy has driven all the neighborhood rodents to seek refuge in my attic, where they enter through the hole left by a missing piece of fascia.

Are we in a floodplain? My house is floating away! I just KNOW IT!!! Does our contract include a contingency for Floating the Fuck Away?!?

The main benefit of renting is, I now realize, Not Having to Give a Fuck.

I now am forced to Give a Fuck. Dammit, flippantness! I liked you!

We are still set to close on June 15th. I think most of our T's are crossed and our I's dotted. Mr. Mortgage Man still has to send out his appraiser, which probably is occurring right now as the rodents do the jitterbug in the attic while the house Floats the Fuck Away. Aside from that, there is nothing to do but pack up all we own in the world, buy some homeowners' insurance, find movers, sign our lives away, pay the attorney, pay the taxes, pay the closing costs, pay the interest on the mortgage(s), pay the carpenter to come out and fix the step, pay numerous other people to come out and fix numerous other things, and smile with the Joy of Homeownership.


We're heading off this weekend to someplace that is actually the temperature it is supposed to be right now, New Orleans. Sean has a Red Hat conference next week, so I convinced him to go down early, take me along, and enjoy all the Big Easy has to offer before I head back home and he has to "settle down and work" (quotes intended). We're staying in a B & B in the neighborhood of Faubourg Marigny, the hip little sister of the French Quarter. So, I am attempting to be psyched for that as I battle my "spring" (quotes intended) cold and try to envision a place where my summer clothes will be comfortable and not ridiculous.

I love New Orleans, so I'm thrilled to have an excuse to go. It will be interesting to go there as a "grown up" (or, at least, a non-college-student), and as a non-vegetarian. Oh, the muffalettas I missed out on before! The beads I will be missing out on now! I will have some jambalaya and a Hurricane for each of you.

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