This morning...

It dawned chilly, damp, and grey. For the first time in almost a week, I reached over and slapped the "snooze" button on my alarm clock. It read 5:00 am, which isn't really accurate, since I keep it set 20 minutes fast. (Tends to get me out of bed earlier--it's just a way to trick my psyche into believing it's less early than it really is, I guess...) I think I slept. I don't remember watching the L.E.D. blink 1, 2, 3 am. So, I must have.

Plod to the shower, inhaling the fumes from the 2 new vinyl shower curtains which have replaced the cloth ones my departing roommate made off with (without warning!) last night.

Plod back to bedroom, new contacts in the wrong eyes. Oops. Put on old jeans, old top. Comfy comfort stuff to wear for a few hours of work. Hell, I would actually have put on my track pants if they weren't already at Sean's. (And I never thought that day would come...) Blow-dry hair straight so it won't curl and frizz later. Fuck the makeup. I'll calmly field the "are you sick?" questions.

Coffee from Dunk's on the way to the T. Why is it that it tastes so good when some employees make it, and so awful when others do? Is it all about the sugar and cream to coffee ratio? Or is it more than that?

Forego shuttle bus from T stop to work and hoof it instead. Stop at Panera for a bagel. I will eat it. I swear, I will eat it. I think I'm still full from the meatball sub that was forced upon me last night. But, I'll eat it. Eventually.

The beginning of the end, or maybe the end of the beginning. Maybe both. At the very least, some sort of climax...

He kissed me last night, the way he used to, the way he does. With a smirky self-satisfied cat-who-ate-the-canary grin afterwards. Ha ha! I have kissed you!
And for a fleeting second that somehow stretched thin into this morning, I thought maybe it will be Ok...maybe the dust will settle, maybe some semblance of normalcy will return. And I know, from personal experience, that it will.

But I'm still allowed to bang my head against things and say fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, right?