Friday, March 25, 2005


Life is more fun with an Obsession, so I like to acquire one every now and again. When I tire of it, I trade it in for another. Past Obsessions have included Graduate School, Finding A Better Job, and Planning a Vacation. The best part of all of these Obsessions is that really, they are all very, very repeatable. Vacation over? Just found a new job? Never fear! Just spin the wheel, point your finger, and voila! There's your new Obsession!

But, in time, even a triple-Obsession list needs an addition. Three Obsessions was no longer enough. It was time for a new Obsession. So I have acquired one. I like to call it Investing in a Dwelling, aka Buying a Freaking House.

Buying a Freaking House! Oh, how I love thee! World, if I had ever known the extent to which it is possible to become Obsessed with Buying a Freaking House, I would have done so long, long ago! Oh, the neighborhoods to investigate! The MLS listings to peruse online infinitely! The open houses to navigate while battling nauseous motion sickness and sucking down Diet Pepsi!!!

There are books to read. There is paperwork to fill out. There are Home Depots to visit, drunkenly or sober. There are overpriced remodeling magazines to buy. There are realtors to interview. (That's right! We haven't even BEEN OUT WITH A REALTOR YET! And already, my Obsession Level is way up there at 9!) Best of all, THERE ARE LISTS TO MAKE!



I wake up bright and early and sip my coffee while reading The Everything Homebuying Guidebook or Buying a Freaking House for the Complete and Utter Asshole or some such book. I then head to work, where I will spend the day periodically reloading a MLS listing to see if any of the properties I have saved have gone "INACTIVE". If one does, I immediately email Sean a message much like this:

That house! The one that I liked?!? With the granite countertops and maple cabinets and character?!? That was really cheap?!? In that neigborhood I kind of sort of liked??? It has just gone INACTIVE!!!!!!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU BASTARD!!!!

I am not altogether reasonable regarding my Obsessions.

When I finally get home after a long day of reloading, I sit down to look over listing sheets and open house listings while I eat my dinner. Then, I pick up the laptop and begin showing Sean all the new properties I have found during my busy day of reloading. There are often as many as two. Finally, when the day is complete, I settle down in bed to read my If You Buy a Home Without Reading This Book Than You are Clearly a Raging Retard book.

I am incredibly pissed off that this Sunday is Easter, which means there are NO OPEN HOUSES for me to go to! NONE! Well, a few. But NONE that I want to go to. That is a whole wasted Sunday!

Today at lunch I did a drive-by of a property halfway back to my apartment. I periodically stopped people on the street to ask if they liked living in that area.

This, my friends, is the definition of Obsession.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it has been at least 4 minutes since I've seen the latest MLS listings on ZipRealty. I MUST GO!

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