Monday, October 20, 2003

Krispy Kreme - 1 Redpanda - 0

The marketing gurus at Krispy Kreme are evil geniuses, I tell you. Evil! Geniuses!

Friday afternoon, after a particularly annoying job interview experience, I decided that I needed the comfort of a warm, melt-in-your mouth sweet and gooey KK donut. Seeing as how I'd parked right near one, it was no trouble at all to swing by and grab one. Mmmm.

The place was nearly deserted, and I'm against drive-thrus on general principle, so I parked and sauntered in in my pinstiped suit, high heels clicking against the shiny linoleum. I clicked right up to the display case and gazed thoughtfully up at the menu. This was my mistake. Really, there was no need to look at the menu. I already knew I wanted a single glazed donut. The menu-looking was just for show, so no one knew that I had a Donut Plan. It was my pride; my hubris, really; that sank me.

You see, during that short time of menu gazing, a Krispy Kreme employee walked up to me and shoved a warm gooey donut wrapped in a napkin into my hand. "Sample, miss?" she asked with a too-big smile.

Well, now that I had the thing I had come in for; what was I to do? Say "thank you!" and saunter back out? Walk back to the counter with my mouth full of donut and order a single donut? How humiliating! Clearly, the only thing that could be done at this point was to order a dozen. Anything else would make me appear ungrateful for the donut offering bestowed upon me.

So that's exactly what I ordered. Let's review, shall we?

Donuts Desired by Redpanda: 1
Donuts Consumed by Redpanda While Waiting to Order Single Donut: 1
Donuts Subsequently Ordered by Redpanda out of Guilt and a Feeling of Obligation Brought on by Free Donut: 12

Staggering numbers, no?

Bastards. I ended up banging on my neighbors' doors and pleading with them to take some donuts off my hands before I singlehandedly consumed the entire dozen.

Bastards. Evil bastards.

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