Friday, May 21, 2004

Some Days

There are days when rolling over to hit the 'snooze' button seems like a chore. When the coffee turns your stomach, when the oatmeal seems too hard to chew. Days when you cry the entire time you're in the shower, tears mixing with the water and running down you in soap-salty rivulets. Days when you have to force yourself to stop so you can put the contacts in.

There are days when it barely seems to matter that your shoes look silly or that your capris are tighter than you'd like them to be. And then all at once it matters far more than it should.

There are days when you drive in a stupor, gas and brake and gas and brake and shift and shift and shift and shift until finally, you pull into a place you don't really feel like being at in the first place. And the effort of turning the key to 'off', getting out of the car and walking into work; seems almost overwhelming.

There are days when the office is eerily quiet and you feel even more alone and the pictures on your desk of happy places and happy times just serve to make you feel more out of place. And your boss is showing around pictures of her daughters going to prom and you wonder if you'll ever have a happy family and beautiful daughters going to prom or if you were ever that young, if you ever laughed as effortlessly as her daughters do in the pictures.

And it's been all day, and it's still only 10 am, and getting in your car and driving back to your apartment isn't so great, anyway.

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