Wednesday, April 23, 2003


My Mean Master's Project is sapping all the fun from my life! Dammit! There's all kinds of fun stuff coming up that I'm going to have to bow out of so I can string big words together in a convincing enough manner to warrant at least a grade of "B-". The sun might even come out some of those days.

I know, I know, I just have to schlog through it.

But GAK! It's long, it's miserable, and my self-confidence is completely shot. If you had asked me a couple weeks ago, I would have confidently stated, "Yeah, I'm graduating in May!", the same way I would have said "Yeah, I wear contact lenses!" or "Yeah, that's a picture of Sean dressed up like Popeye on my desk!" But now, after Professor Gung-Ho's less-than-kind words, I feel hopelessly inept and undeserving of such things. Suddenly, I'm incapable of writing such a paper. Suddenly, my semester-long project falls far short of what I probably should have done. Suddenly, I just plain suck and am going to be $65k in debt with no sheepskin to show for it.

Or so I feel.

I don't know what to do without the Master's degree. It's what I use to get through my days; to feel superior (in all my pseudo-intellectual snobbery) to everyone around me in my brainless drudgery-of-a-desk-job. It's the only thing I have going for me that I might possibly be able to spin into a decent-paying job. And before, I always assumed it was a sure thing, as soon as I'd done the work and signed the loan papers.

Now, I'm not so sure. I have my time off request sheet all filled out to take off the day of my graduation. But I'm afraid to turn it in, lest it jinx me somehow. I haven't bought the cap and gown yet.

My Master's Project has to be turned in in exactly 12 days.


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