Wednesday, October 09, 2002


My job, for all its intrinsic shittiness, it not without occasional moments of mirth. This made me laugh so hard that coworkers in neighboring cubicles commented to my boss in hushed voices that they "think Amanda was crying."
Hell, yeah, I was crying! I was laughing so hard (and trying NOT to guffaw outright in the office) that tears were streaming down my cheeks. Here's the story:

Here in my department at Blue Cross, we send out questionnaires to people who have sustained injuries that seem like they could be accident-related. Basically, if it was a car or work-related accident, it's someone else's job to pay the claim; so we don't have to. Really, that's all we're concerned about--is someone else going to pay for this or do we have to? But people get nervous when they get these questionnaires, so they tend to write out lengthy answers about how they were throwing a frisbee for the dog and accidentally kicked it in the mouth, requiring a number of sutures. I got one the other day saying that they had been "dancing at Fleet Center and fell over".


But this one was the best yet. It was 2 questionnaires together, from a couple that lives "down the Cape". Enclosed was a copy of a newspaper article that related the story of how they got their injuries (this isn't unusual--people sometimes even send snapshots of their injuries--I just "file" it all).
Well, I decided to skim the article. This couple had been assaulted (no, that's not the funny part! I'm not that much of a sicko!) and had their faces "cut and bruised". So, they're Ok. I'll just relate an excerpt from the newspaper article to you:

"...The couple told police they were attacked after confronting a young man who had come into their yard on a riding lawn mower and damaged some bushes. The couple told police that in addition to attacking them, the young man pulled down his pants and showed his buttocks before riding away on the lawn mower..."

Oh. My. God.

Can't you just picture it? This guy putts into the yard at 2 mph, smacks these people around when they ask what the hell he's doing, moons them, and putts off at 2 mph.
"Hey, someone is approaching." (*3 full minutes pass*) "Hey, someone is STILL approaching. I believe they're on a lawn mower, as evidenced by the loud lawn mower moter-esque sound I hear."

*attack and mooning occur*

"Hey, he is getting away! On his lawn mower!" (*3 more full minutes pass amidst a loud PUTTPUTTPUTTPUTTTPUTTPUTT* The lawn mower is still in the yard.) "Hey, he is still getting away!"

Ok, maybe it's just funny to ME. But I still can't stop laughing over that mental picture. Hey, thanks for making my day, assaulted couple!

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